Some people have never experienced unconditional love since they were born – not even from their parents, or siblings.
All their lives…
They’ve been loved conditionally – that they’ve grown to think unconditional love is an illusion…
or, that there must be a condition met, for one to be loved.
Imagine a child whose parents only cheer and told sweet things only when he/she makes good grades in school.
Then, her motivation to get the love that’s supposed to be free would be based on being competitive in school to get good grades.
…or meeting her parents’ expectations- even if they are too much for him/her.
And if he/she couldn’t make it for one reason or the other, their parents would ridicule and stab their souls with hurtful words.
Hurtful words that’d make them feel unworthy, down, and deprived of love.
Those kids, whenever they see other parents showing their children love – would either crave the same treatment and feel sad,
…or they’d become resentful towards their parents.
That resentment, like a seed, would grow in that child and may turn the child into a rebellious or wayward teenager who’d do anything to get back at their parent.
The little boy/girl who was deprived of love would grow up to be an insecure, or emotionally needy/bankrupt teenager who doesn’t know what if feels like to be loved without expectations or conditions.
Too bad!
I’ve had encounters with some people like this.
They appear fine, smart, and okay outwardly, but… they’re hurting inside.
Sillently battling with their daddy/mummy issues.
Most times, the unhealed trauma of their childhood would deprive them of allowing people to love them wholly.
Whenever they meet people with good hearts who wants to love them unconditionally…
They’d think it’s a trap – and act in ways that may chase those people away.
They’d sabotage great relationships with friends or lovers who tend to show them genuine love, care and affection.
And that’s because their minds have been wired to think those genuine acts may come with expectations… or have ulterior motives.
It’s terrible.
I feel for such people.
Most parents created monsters in their children through their actions and attitude toward them – in their formative years.
Some parents in their quest to boost their ego among their peers projected their fantasies/desires on their children to…
Study a particular course… or learn a particular skill, or act in a certain way… even if it’s against their children’s wish.
Those acts are like timed-bombs that’d explode in their faces when their children become adults and have a certain level of freedom.
The monsters they created in their children by being:
– overprotective,
– unnecessarily strict, and
– intentionally unreasonable
… would grow up to haunt them as they grow.
These are the kind of parents whose children would neglect them during their old age when they’re feeble and helpless.
They may have money, but they’d lack joy, emotional support and companionship they suppose to enjoy from their children and grandchildren.
Another problem that’d occur is that their children won’t know how to bond well with their own kids if…
… they fail to heal from the trauma of the unhealthy relationship they had with their Parents.
The matter deep!
So many innocent people are in relationships with people with baggage from their dysfunctional homes.
… dealing with the consequences of failed parents.
E Be Tins.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional home, please, heal.
Be intentional about your healing.
Forgive your parents and move on.
It could be that they (your parents) didn’t know better, or weren’t loved right by their parents too, and…
Since one can’t pout from an empty cup, they repeated the cycle with you, unconsciously. (Maybe).
You’ve got to break that circle.
Now that you’re aware – you don’t want to repeat the mistakes of your parents, do you?
No, right?
That’s why you need to heal from the emotional trauma, drop the baggage, and be free.
You don’t have to let other people suffer for the mistakes of your parents.
Heal.
Move on.
Do it and you’ll will witness a great feeling of relieve, and enjoy the joy of being genuinely loved and cared for by your loved ones – family, friends, or lover.
Become a better version of yourself and grow.
You deserve all the love, care, and affection in the world.
I’m rooting for you.
Stay Sharp,
Efe