Some of you have ruined valuable connections because you couldn’t control your feelings or urges.
You had a plug, a solid friend but you ruined it trying to force romance.
O wrong nau.
Learn to build and nurture healthy relationships with the opposite gender without ruining it with unnecessary feelings, or sex.
Some times, you’ll learn and grow more with some people if you stay friends with them,
… than if you fvck them, or get emotionally involved with them.
You understand, abi make I explain?
Okay.
Lemme break it down a bit.
Some platonic relationships with the opposite gender are worth than some romantic ones, especially if they’re valuable people – like you.
(Reason why you must choose your friends wisely )
Now, a true friend will do anything to see you win, yeah?
They’d push you to make it happen.
So, don’t try to ruin your bond by trying to get romantically involved with them. It’s not worth it.
Nah, you’re not a fool or weak for being intentional about keeping such relationships at platonic level.
Na only fools without SELF-DISCIPLINE go think say you be mumu, cos na their sexual URGE dey control dem.
No reason dem at all, because…
Dem no get SENSE! Period.
Stick to the plan.
Why?
Because some people dun use and dump men/women wey suppose show dem road to greatness. Too bad.
Listen…
Guys, not every lady that shows care about you actually is giving you “green light “.
Ladies, not every guy that shows you care wants to sleep with you, or have ulterior motives.
Trash that mentality NOW!
Some of you are so damaged that you read meanings to simple gestures.
Heal!
Some people just like you, or something about you, and would do things for you because of it…
And not because they want anything from you in return now or later.
Well…
Sometimes, you may be judging people’s good gestures because someone/people in your past had used that to take advantage of you.
If this is your case, I feel sorry for you though.
Just heal and move on, okay?
So you won’t allow your trauma to make you ignore or avoid the people who have GENUINE intentions to help you grow. Okay?
I know sometimes, as humans with emotions, we may tend to get fond of people who are cool with and to us,
And may get to develop feelings for them, even if we didn’t intend to – which is not bad, but.
In this case, I think it’d be okay to cut ties with them if one party is romantically and sexually attracted to the other.
To prevent the emotional torture.
Breatheeeeee
Let them GO!
It doesn’t mean you’d quarrel with them or hate them sha, nah.
You’re an adult abi? use your brain to handle it like one.
Okay, back to the topic of discussion.
SOME platonic relationships with some people would be more valuable than having a romantic relationship with them because…
As friends, they’d do things that’d help you grow.
This might mean:
– giving you ideas
– supporting your dreams
– connecting you to their networks.
– recommending or referring you or your biz/skills.
– mentioning your name in rooms of opportunities , etc.
… WITHOUT wanting anything in return from you.
Those would be bonuses of your friendship with them.
But…
The moment you try to flip the friendship into a romantic relationship with them, one of four scenarios will play out based on their personality amd experiences:
Scenario 1:
It may make them go harder for you because, they’d be extremely excited that you’re now their personal person.
They’d go above and beyond for you. Cos they want you to be the best you can be for you, and for them .
They’d see it as investing in their future with you.
So, it’d be all shades of love and sweetness after the successful transition or conversion – from friends to lovers.
Congratulations! 😃
Scenario 2:
They may get confused and stop whatever they’re doing to help you grow because…
They may think it’d ruin the quality of your romantic relationship with them going forward
… especially if they’ve been taken advantage of in the past by their exes, and they’re yet to heal completely from that PTSD.
They may get scared that, they may invest in your growth and do everything they can for you,
and you may just wake up one day and leave them behind because…
You may think they’re no longer good for you, or they’re no longer your SPEC
… forgetting they played a key role in your UPGRADE.
Many people have been the perfect lovers to their exes but got hurt and betrayed by them at the end.
And they are traumatized by that experience.
If they aren’t intentional about healing completely before moving on, and getting into a relationship with you…
They may bleed on you unconsciously, making you pay for the sins of their exes unknowingly.
Too bad.
Scenario 3:
They’d reject your romantic feelings because they don’t want to lose the strong FRIENDSHIP bond they share with you,
…just in case the potential romantic relationship with you fails along the line.
They won’t wanna risk the friendship for anything because:
– they don’t have much friends.
– they don’t want more friends.
– they value you as a person.
Scenario 4:
It could lead to a FWB situation. Where you guys would enjoy all the perks of a romantic and platonic relationship without settling down together.
Now, this may be sweet or bitter depending on you and them.
If you don’t define things from the start before it begins, unexpressed expectations may start growing slowly, and when those expectations aren’t met overtime…
It could blow up and lead to full blown issues that could lead to a lot of other “avoidable problems” – if you both were clear at the beginning.
Most times, Expectations and Unmet expectations are the reasons why even the best of relationships fail.
So…
Before you think of shooting shots at that friend of the opposite gender who could be your helper…
Consider the 4 scenarios above and be prepared for the possible consequences ahead, incase it fails.
The truth is, there are no hard and fast rules about these things.
Because sometimes, something may just end your friendship with the opposite gender that isn’t related to romance or sex at all.
–> It could be because your values would get misaligned as you grow.
–> It could be because you guys met other new people who’d feel threatened by you or them.
–> It could be because of the expiration of your roles in each others lives, no beef or bad blood.
Because…
I’ve come to realize that in life, even with our best and purest of intentions for people of both or opposote sexes…
Not ALL friendships or relationships leads to happy endings
That’s just life for you!
And that’s why we should enjoy the people in our lives before their chapter expires – or not.
Dem no dey teach these tins for school sha.
But, I gat you, my gee! 😃
**********
Dearest you,
There are monsters (males and females) out there who derive joy in shattering people’s heart and traumatizing whoever they are with.
Don’t be one of them monsters.
I want YOU to Promise:
👉🏾 To ensure you don’t become a reason why someone stops investing in other people’s growth.
👉🏾 You won’t be a reason why someone fears being totally in love again because of trauma you caused them.
The world has a lot of stressors already, kindly don’t add to the stress in people’s lives, okay?
If anything…
Be a reason why someone is happy to be alive in the world today.
Okay?
Stay Sharp!